


and I've got no right to take my place with the human race

by Buttercup_ghost



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Are nicos eyes really dark pink or red, Bittersweet, Child Neglect, Comunication Issues, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Hopeful Ending, Misunderstandings, Personality Disorder, Self Confidence Issues, THESE KIDS NEED TO TALK ABOUT THEIR FEELINGS SHM, intimacy issues, probably
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2018-12-30 06:31:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12102801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Buttercup_ghost/pseuds/Buttercup_ghost
Summary: Now I know how Joan of Arc feltAs the flames rose to her Roman noseAnd her Walkman started to melt[Or: two girls scared of intimacy yet both trying so hard to hold onto it]





	and I've got no right to take my place with the human race

Maki greeted her with a sigh, normal for her, just how she said hello. Normally, nico would smirk and tease, or if she was already agitated, huff. Today, though, she is silent. It gives Maki a pause, and she hesitantly ventures, "Nico?"

"Do you ever get lonely?" she asks, not even looking at her, red eyes cast to the side. The question takes her off guard, but nico continues before she can answer. "Like, in yours house, I mean. It's so big. And you're parents... they hardly show up to your piano recitals," Nico knows, she's never missed one, "Doesn't it feel impersonal?"

Makis purple gaze snaps to her, "I—" she starts, unsure, then her back straightens, "don't talk about my family like that. You don't know what we're like. You could never." Maki doesn't say it, but Nico heard the implications, and let's out a bitter laugh.

"What, 'cuz my families poor?"

Maki flinches. "I didn't mean it like that, Nico–"

Nico slams her hands on the desk as soon as she finishes. "I don't care, maki. I don't care how you meant it, I care what you _said,"_ her eyes look down for a moment, "do you think that I don't know what it's like, to be lonely?" 

She feels vulnerable, under makes surpised gaze, and turns her fierce eyes on to her, if only so the situation doesn't run away.

Maki wants to snap, to push her away. This is to intimate, she thinks, as their eyes met. Still, somehow, she can't, in fear of breaking her. Nico is strong, possibly one of the fiercest girls maki knows, with the ego the size of a plane, but somehow her fear doesn't feel unfounded, even as her piercing red eyes lock her in place.

"...Do you?" She finds the words slipping out without her consent, and Nico eyes widen. Her gaze goes down to her lap, maybe in shame, as her fingers twitch, as if to reach out.

"Of course I do, Maki." Her tone is the most resigned she's heard it, "I'm the oldest. I have to take care of my siblings, when my parents work."

Nico won't meet her eyes, "Who takes care of you, though?" She asks, helpless, purple eyes looking intently.

Another laugh, "No one. What about _you?"_ Maybe it's cruel of her. Maki steps back with a flinch.

 Nico deflates, anger failing her. Why does she always do this, she wonders, why does she always pushes away the person she loves? "Look- I–  _agh_ ," she tries to start, but words fail her, and she sighs. "Do you really mean..." she starts, instead, before stoping. What was she going to ask? _Do you really mean all the stuff you say about me?_ How did she think maki would react to that? Did she really want to know the answer, in the first place? 

"Do I really mean...?" Maki urges, eye brows drawn, oblivious to nicos internal struggle. Nico looks at her, pained, almost. "What you say, about me. That I'm.." she makes a gesture in the air, "...you know."

Her browns furrow more, though she understands. Nico is looking away again, she couldn't even bring herself to say it, to be upfront.

"Well," Maki starts, careful, "I do think you could tone down your ego, more, but I suppose I do get..." she paused, searching for the way to phrase this, "carried away."

A snort, "Ya think?"

Maki cheeks flare defensively, but she stays quiet. Nico sits there, for a moment, before murmuring, "it's because I act to confident...?"

"It's.." she starts, "it's not that you're too confident, just..." she pauses, thinking. Nico looks up, having not meant to speak out loud, "it's more like... it feels like you're rubbing it in, Nico."

She startles, "Rubbing.... it in?"

"Yeah. I'm happy you love yourself, and think you're great, really, but you don't have to say it all the time."

Nico pauses, uncertain if she should dive into her coping mechanisms, or explain herself. She does have to say it all the time—maybe, if she hears it enough, she'll believe it. She thought Maki would understand what it was like, what loneliness could do to a person.

"Maki," she starts, not knowing how to go about it, wondering if she should have just stayed quiet. She decides to just be blunt, like ripping off a bandaid, "I hate myself."

"O-oh."

Maki supposes it shouldn't suprise her as much as it does, but it feels like her world is crumbling around her, "seems I miss judged you?" It comes out more like a question than a statement.

"Seems like it."

They both sat in silence, at that, not knowing what to say.

Nico and her were far more similar than either of them liked to admit.

 

 

 

 

The next day Niko greets her with a hesitant, shaking smile.

Maki returns it.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from _big mouth strikes again_


End file.
